the rejection

¿Sueles rechazar las cosas que se interponen con tus objetivos?

Big or small, rejection affects us all.

Rejection doesn’t have to be for important things, like not being accepted at your favorite college, not being selected for the sports team that interests you the most, or not having a date to go to the prom. You may also feel rejected in everyday situations, for example if your joke was not funny, if no one remembers to save you a place at the table at mealtime, or if the person you really like talks to everyone except you.
Feeling rejected is the opposite of feeling accepted. But the fact that a person receives a rejection (something that will happen to all of us sometimes) does not mean that they are not appreciated, valued or considered important. It only means that, once, in a situation and with a specific person, things have not gone well.
Rejection hurts. But it is impossible to avoid it completely. In fact, it would not be good to do so: people who are too afraid of rejection may not dare to try something they want. Of course, they avoid rejection, but they are also absolutely guaranteed that they will never get what they want because they don’t dare to try.

How to deal with rejection

The better we learn to handle rejection, the less it affects us. So how can you develop the ability to deal with rejection?
Here are some ideas:

Be sincere

Let’s start with the feelings: if you feel rejected, admit it to yourself. Don’t try to ignore the pain or pretend it doesn’t hurt. Instead of thinking, «I shouldn’t feel this way,» think that it’s normal to feel the way you are, given your situation.
Notice the intensity of your feelings. Did this rejection upset you a lot? Or just a little? Cry if you want: it’s a natural way to vent.
Next, name what you feel. For example: «I was very disappointed that I didn’t get chosen for the school play. I was really looking forward to it and I worked really hard. I feel left out because my friends made it and I didn’t.»
If you want, explain to someone what happened and how you feel. Choose a person who will listen and support you.
Telling someone can help you for two reasons:

It may be reassuring to know that someone understands what you’re going through and how you’re feeling.

It forces you to put your feelings into words.

Whether you choose to share your feelings with another person or prefer to think about them alone, acknowledging how you feel can help you work through painful emotions.

Be positive

When faced with a painful emotion like rejection, it’s easy for us to get stuck in how bad we feel. But if we obsessively think about the negative, we can feel like we’re reliving the experience over and over again. Not only will it continue to hurt us, but it will also make it even more difficult for us to overcome rejection.
So admit how you feel but don’t dwell on it. Avoid talking or thinking about it all the time. Because? Negative thinking influences what we expect and how we act. Getting stuck in a negative attitude can even lead to more rejection. It certainly doesn’t inspire anyone to try again.

examine your thoughts

Now let’s move on to what you think. Reflect on how you explain the rejection you have received. Are you being too hard on yourself? It is natural to wonder «Why did this happen to me?» When you give yourself an explanation, try to stick to the facts.
Tell yourself: «The person I wanted to go to the prom with turned me down because he didn’t want to go with me.» Don’t tell yourself, «The person I wanted to go to prom with turned me down because I’m not attractive» or «because I’m a sucker.» This is not sticking to the facts, but imagining a motive and making too much of the situation. If derogatory thoughts like these come to you, put them out of your head.
Blaming or putting ourselves down can exaggerate our mistakes and lead us to believe things about ourselves that are simply not true. These kinds of thoughts prevent us from having hope and believing in ourselves, just the things we need to stop feeling bad and want to try again.
If you start to blame yourself for the rejection or put yourself down, you may start to believe that you will always be rejected. Thoughts like «No one will want to date me» or «No one will ever like me» elevate a simple rejection to the category of catastrophe. Rejection can do a lot of damage and be terribly disappointing, but it’s not the end of the world.

Don’t lose perspective

Say to yourself, «That’s right, I got turned down this time, but next time I might get rejected» or «Okay, that’s how it happened. It’s not what I wanted, but what are we going to do to everyone?» they reject it sometimes. And I can try again.»
Think about things that you are good at and about your qualities. Think back to times when you’ve been accepted, lived up to, and been told yes. Think of all the people who appreciate and support you.
Give yourself credit for trying. You have taken a risk. Well done! Remind yourself that you are capable of overcoming rejection. Even if they rejected you this time, there will be another opportunity, another occasion. Take a philosophical attitude: sometimes things happen for reasons we don’t always understand.

Take advantage of rejection

Rejection is an opportunity to consider if there are things that should be worked on. It’s okay to wonder if you could give more than yourself or if your goals were above your abilities.
If your skills haven’t cut it this time, you may need to train harder, study harder, prepare better for interviews, or whatever it takes to make yourself more likely to be accepted next time. Use rejection as an opportunity to improve.
Sometimes rejection is a harsh reality check. But, if you focus it well, it can help point you in a direction that will be perfect for your skills, your personality and all the virtues that define you as a person.