Written by: Aridio F.R.
If we wanted to count the thoughts that go through our head throughout a day, it would be complicated. Well, it is logical to think that among 70,000 daily thoughts, the largest proportion, the winning part will be our needs.
Our own joys, our own tastes, our own problems (let’s not forget them), in short, we will think more of ourselves than of anything else. It makes sense to think so, at least.
Afterwards, possibly an important parcel of thoughts goes towards our loved ones. Couple, family, children, friends. Pending tasks for them, exclusive conflicts and ruminations for each person.
And of course, we will still have «a small parcel» left to think about useless, mundane and everyday topics such as: «How bad is that girl’s hair» or «the damn television program is making me nervous, change it once and for all». Everyday things…
When we spend more time with others than with ourselves
It has been proven that the time that our mind dedicates to the rest of the world sometimes turns out to be too much in relation to the time that we might need.
Let’s say that sometimes, our brain, our mind or our will itself are surprised without space, being this one occupied by things that are foreign to us and that can even escape our control.
«Could what I said hurt you?», «It’s my fault, I should have acted differently», or the best: «I’m selfish, once you ask me for help…».
Totally negative phrases that make us feel bad by making us “see” that we have been bad, or at least not good enough towards another person. Thoughts not dedicated to ourselves, in our defense, but to others.
It is incredible the capacity that we human beings have to enunciate in our mind phrases like the ones mentioned, which have their repercussions on an emotional level.
Overthinking others has emotional repercussions
It could be thought that in the same way, they are completely inevitable. There are millions of arguments that validate that we feel this way. But how many are there who defend us?
The educational messages of our childhood
The reality is that throughout our lives we are continuously exposed to educational messages such as: «you have to share» or «do good for others» or «do everything possible to make others happy»…
They are educational messages because we are fed with these messages during childhood. It seems that when we are little we need this type of message to create our own values later. But they really have several limitations for the adult person:
-In the first place, they are orders. They are not simple phrases: I know, you have to… They are not suggestions. Therefore, it is as if we were forced to be a certain way.
«Educate your child with suggestions», some may think. We are no longer children. We can modify, reflect on those orders. Discuss them.
Who decides whether to do «good» or not, if not us? Who decides whether or not to share our resources, but us?
-Secondly, they are dichotomous orders. That is, «you have to share» (because if you don’t, you won’t be good). «Do good to others» (or you won’t be good either, you will be bad) and «do everything possible for others to be happy» (or you will be selfish).
They do not give space to be “a little selfish”. All or nothing. Good or bad. Perhaps the question is, is there no grey?
-And finally, subjectivity. No one has ever written what exactly it means to be «good,» «selfish,» or «altruistic.»
Where is a rule written so that we can consider ourselves selfish? How many times do we have to look for ourselves and not for the rest? Is it bad to be?
The Romans used the word egoism to express the «practice of the self.»
Think of you, be your priority
After all, everyone has their own version of the terms, and we all try to see each other in a way that we are the good guys.
We rationalize, we argue, or we assume the role of bad guys, and we punish ourselves, hoping to do penance for that enormous wrong we have committed. And it is logical. After all, we are the protagonists of our stories.
From time to time, we find ourselves unintentionally trapped in a logic that does nothing but harm us. And we see ourselves giving away time, resources and strength to people who seem to have no other purpose in life than to crush us.
And we can not stop. We fear the negative consequences. We are terrified of moving away from the supposed path that has been marked out for us.
Reflect and rationalize these thoughts; These messages, calmly and calmly, can be the exercise that our human condition most appreciates.
That small space of time in which after reflecting it dawns on us “Hey, maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe I need the time for me. You may not want to share with anyone right now. Maybe I should be selfish.»
Perhaps being selfish is justified. Maybe being selfish just means loving each other a little.
The contents of The Mind is Wonderful are written for informational and educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional diagnosis, advice or treatment. If in doubt, it is advisable to consult a trusted specialist.
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